So, I have been friends with someone for, geez, 2 years next month & I've pushed, pulled & pursuaded her from what seems like one life to another, from living as others want her to to how she wants to, sort of. There are tremendous good things there like standing up for herself even when it hurts others, not caring what others think of her, gaining self-esteem and the list goes on...then there's the addiction thing.
Sometimes you go from crack to meth or from cigarettes to alcohol or eating to shopping. Well, she's conquered a lot but the attention addiction. Well, it's been about 3 weeks since I've said word one to her. I am fairly confident that I'm a reason. I am not a lifetime friend. Sometimes you're not a lifetime friend, you're a bridge. You convince someone to take a step they desperately need to take while promising you will be right there with them when they freak out and wanna go back. And then you follow through and are there for them, regardless. You scream, you holler, you pat the back, you praise and you get them to where they need to be.
She is one of those people who, bless her heart, is an attention whore. She's got attention from here to there and back again and has not noticed that I have commented on absolutely nothing on her blog for weeks. It doesn't appear to bother her as her new life, the new attention, the whole bit is filling every moment not occupied by real life as mom, wife, etc.
It is not that I don't feel appreciated; sometimes God has you do things for a bigger reason. You fulfill the reason, you build the bridge, you part the sea and then, your job done, you go on to do another good deed.
She reminds me of a friend of mine, years ago, who really was an addict. She had worked for me at one point but got fired because she missed bout a week of work due to being in a crack house or someplace in Boston high as a kite or passed out. Well, months later, when nobody could find her, a hunch led me to find her and I'm standing in some place, some setting so totally foreign to me, it was like 'ok, so how the hell do I do this?' Long story short, I got her out of there with the help of an angel and, though she's no longer here, at least at that time, in that place, I was able to do something bigger than myself, able to help her conquer an addiction, at least for a time. Fast-forward back to this case, I do not believe this time, this place, it is mine to fix. This time it is not up to me. When I said I was done, I believe I actually meant it.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
Real Fans
So, to make a long story short & keep this anonymous, a close friend of mine suffered for being a Red Sox fan. In a very real way.
A little while back I was accused of labeling someone else as 'not a true fan'.
Last season, as the Sox went to the World Series, we had people join our group who, you could tell by their chants, knowing nicknames for players, etc. that they were true fans, maybe even die hard fans who just hadn't discovered our group. There were also people who, you could tell, were bandwagon fans, just wanting to cheer on a winner. Lovely.
So, then this year, as I would watch the occasional Rays game at Tropicana field or I would catch highlights of a game, more the latter than the former, I noticed something. They had no fans. Or very few fans. You see Fenway Park, it is packed from the 1st game to the last, most of the time SRO, if you're lucky. Real fans; fans who are there often or watch the games on MLBtv, at a bar, on their computers, listening on the radio or,as I sometimes do, keeping track of it from my cell phone. Fans who know that when you hear what sounds like booing around Sox fans, there is a darn good chance Kevin Youkilis is at bat or has just done something great and we're yelling "Yooouuukkkk". Fellow fans, the team, Rem Dawg, they're family. Loyal, humble, dedicated, go do your best and it's OK regardless of the outcome. Fans who know the history, know the ups and downs, know that wins rock and the loses cut deep. Fans who wear the fandom on their sleeves, hearts, clothes, cars, office desks and so forth. Red Sox fans are unyielding in their love of and faith in their team. We don't forsake our team at a loss or decide not to go because we disagree with a management decision, we're one of the fan bases that knows the who, what, where, when, how and why of our team and our front office.
When the old owners were debating a new ballpark on the parking lot currently catty corner from the players' entrance, 450,000 signatures said 'no, we like Fenway, we want Fenway, don't TOUCH Fenway.' We won and, after Fenway was purchased by new owners as passionate fans as we are, and they agreed to improve her, and did so, we trusted them. We also liked the 2 World Series titles they helped us earn too! We rallied hard to get our Powers that Be to re-sign Lowell and they did.
Then you have bandwagon fans, wannabe's who don't get it but the team by them is good so they'll be a 'fan'. One of my beloved friends say something to me about judging people and their fandom. Well, here's my point. Red Sox fans fill Fenway Park day in, day out. Red Sox fans are there year round, whether it's hot stove time, GM/winter meetings, ST, Opening Day, the All Star Break or end of the season. A lot of other clubs' fans do this in varying degrees but then there are clubs where this is SO not the case.
Case in point: the Rays! Yes, the Rays! A friend of mine went on their website to 'get tickets' for a few random games and the closest seat she could get...hello, right behind home team dugout?! You gotta know someone or marry into seats like that at many a ballpark. With the except of game 7 of the ALCS, there were seats 'tarped off' because they weren't being used. Game 7, I'd bet ya dinner more than 1/2 those seats were Red Sox fans. In fact, they were giving away tickets to the game, GAME 7 of the ALCS mind you, last night outside the Trop!!! Real fans believe in the heart and soul of their team, the players, the goal. Rays fans are the definition of bandwagon fans. I mean, seriously, did most St. Pete/TB residents even know there was an MLB team there in, say, September?! I mean, you'd see highlights of games on ESPN, the club playing good baseball, but empty seats abound! And now they made the playoffs their so-called fans are coming out in droves?! Child, please! If you have to give away free tickets or pay people to come see the team, that's not a fan...that's pathetic!
Granted, there are some Rays fans who have been fans since the start, since back when they sucked and were the Devil Rays, D Rays for those of us who think saying 'Devil' takes way too much effort. But the blue mohawks, the idiotic cowbells...people, please! When the Fenway Faithful yell and cheer so loudly that we drown out the cowbells....message to the Rays...your team ain't 1/2 bad...too bad your fans suck!!!
Someone asked me who I'd root for...uh, really no one but if I gotta pick, I say GO PHILLIES!! At least their fans have been fans for more than 3 weeks!
A little while back I was accused of labeling someone else as 'not a true fan'.
Last season, as the Sox went to the World Series, we had people join our group who, you could tell by their chants, knowing nicknames for players, etc. that they were true fans, maybe even die hard fans who just hadn't discovered our group. There were also people who, you could tell, were bandwagon fans, just wanting to cheer on a winner. Lovely.
So, then this year, as I would watch the occasional Rays game at Tropicana field or I would catch highlights of a game, more the latter than the former, I noticed something. They had no fans. Or very few fans. You see Fenway Park, it is packed from the 1st game to the last, most of the time SRO, if you're lucky. Real fans; fans who are there often or watch the games on MLBtv, at a bar, on their computers, listening on the radio or,as I sometimes do, keeping track of it from my cell phone. Fans who know that when you hear what sounds like booing around Sox fans, there is a darn good chance Kevin Youkilis is at bat or has just done something great and we're yelling "Yooouuukkkk". Fellow fans, the team, Rem Dawg, they're family. Loyal, humble, dedicated, go do your best and it's OK regardless of the outcome. Fans who know the history, know the ups and downs, know that wins rock and the loses cut deep. Fans who wear the fandom on their sleeves, hearts, clothes, cars, office desks and so forth. Red Sox fans are unyielding in their love of and faith in their team. We don't forsake our team at a loss or decide not to go because we disagree with a management decision, we're one of the fan bases that knows the who, what, where, when, how and why of our team and our front office.
When the old owners were debating a new ballpark on the parking lot currently catty corner from the players' entrance, 450,000 signatures said 'no, we like Fenway, we want Fenway, don't TOUCH Fenway.' We won and, after Fenway was purchased by new owners as passionate fans as we are, and they agreed to improve her, and did so, we trusted them. We also liked the 2 World Series titles they helped us earn too! We rallied hard to get our Powers that Be to re-sign Lowell and they did.
Then you have bandwagon fans, wannabe's who don't get it but the team by them is good so they'll be a 'fan'. One of my beloved friends say something to me about judging people and their fandom. Well, here's my point. Red Sox fans fill Fenway Park day in, day out. Red Sox fans are there year round, whether it's hot stove time, GM/winter meetings, ST, Opening Day, the All Star Break or end of the season. A lot of other clubs' fans do this in varying degrees but then there are clubs where this is SO not the case.
Case in point: the Rays! Yes, the Rays! A friend of mine went on their website to 'get tickets' for a few random games and the closest seat she could get...hello, right behind home team dugout?! You gotta know someone or marry into seats like that at many a ballpark. With the except of game 7 of the ALCS, there were seats 'tarped off' because they weren't being used. Game 7, I'd bet ya dinner more than 1/2 those seats were Red Sox fans. In fact, they were giving away tickets to the game, GAME 7 of the ALCS mind you, last night outside the Trop!!! Real fans believe in the heart and soul of their team, the players, the goal. Rays fans are the definition of bandwagon fans. I mean, seriously, did most St. Pete/TB residents even know there was an MLB team there in, say, September?! I mean, you'd see highlights of games on ESPN, the club playing good baseball, but empty seats abound! And now they made the playoffs their so-called fans are coming out in droves?! Child, please! If you have to give away free tickets or pay people to come see the team, that's not a fan...that's pathetic!
Granted, there are some Rays fans who have been fans since the start, since back when they sucked and were the Devil Rays, D Rays for those of us who think saying 'Devil' takes way too much effort. But the blue mohawks, the idiotic cowbells...people, please! When the Fenway Faithful yell and cheer so loudly that we drown out the cowbells....message to the Rays...your team ain't 1/2 bad...too bad your fans suck!!!
Someone asked me who I'd root for...uh, really no one but if I gotta pick, I say GO PHILLIES!! At least their fans have been fans for more than 3 weeks!
In Losing There Is Still Winning
So, here I sit, like hundreds and thousands of Red Sox fans, trying to rub, heat, cool & soothe the wound that is not making it to the World Series by thismuch. Last night, as I was watching the last innings, keeping faith, as we are prone, as Sox fans, to doing, my mind kept sliding to 'go Philllies!' and I couldn't figure out why...until we lost.'
So today, as I'm still taking it in, watching the world move around me as I slog along between a very bad cold/flu/serious lack of appetite amd the loss, I'm thinking 'things could be worse.' Most of my fellow fans agree. With Lowell, Papi (Ortiz to those of you not in the inner sanctum) and Beckett among others noticeably hurting, we somehow made it to the post-season. Then we made it thru the ALDS, out playing the Angels, who if we're being specific should be the LAAA but who cares. We made the Rays go 7 which, in my mind is important. We battled back. We played our hearts out and we left every last drop of anything at all on the field. That is the best, coolest, most heroic way to play the game, win or lose. No, we don't get rings and a kick-ass parade this year. We do however, get to hold our heads high and be both grateful and proud of a job very, very well done by our team. Thru ailments, weirdness, Manny being Manny, position changes, additions and subtractions, we made it to the post-season and damn nearly to the World Series. Nobody starts the season with the idea that they're going to play 162 games and go home. Your goal in any sport is not just to finish that game/day/race/match on top but to win the whole damn thing!
I will say, our 8-7 comeback in game 5 made me laugh out loud. Our game 6 win had me going 'neener-neener' even as I knew how hard game 7 was going to be. We lost but we won. We have the best, most die-hard fans in any sport, in my humble opinion. Thru snow, wind, rain, driving rain, cold, hot, we sit, we stay, we watch & cheer. Thru 9 innings or more we sit and are loyal. We played awesome baseball. Lester threw brilliantly. We won because we stuck together, we played as a team, through the season, thru the bumps. We know when to say 'I screwed up, I should have done more', when to say nothing and when to say praise our teammates. We got rid of Manny, the malignancy noone really knew was there until it got all sorts of funky and we removed/released it!
We win as a team; we lose as a team. I am so very proud of this team because we conquered adversity and did it anyway! That's winning all day long.
So today, as I'm still taking it in, watching the world move around me as I slog along between a very bad cold/flu/serious lack of appetite amd the loss, I'm thinking 'things could be worse.' Most of my fellow fans agree. With Lowell, Papi (Ortiz to those of you not in the inner sanctum) and Beckett among others noticeably hurting, we somehow made it to the post-season. Then we made it thru the ALDS, out playing the Angels, who if we're being specific should be the LAAA but who cares. We made the Rays go 7 which, in my mind is important. We battled back. We played our hearts out and we left every last drop of anything at all on the field. That is the best, coolest, most heroic way to play the game, win or lose. No, we don't get rings and a kick-ass parade this year. We do however, get to hold our heads high and be both grateful and proud of a job very, very well done by our team. Thru ailments, weirdness, Manny being Manny, position changes, additions and subtractions, we made it to the post-season and damn nearly to the World Series. Nobody starts the season with the idea that they're going to play 162 games and go home. Your goal in any sport is not just to finish that game/day/race/match on top but to win the whole damn thing!
I will say, our 8-7 comeback in game 5 made me laugh out loud. Our game 6 win had me going 'neener-neener' even as I knew how hard game 7 was going to be. We lost but we won. We have the best, most die-hard fans in any sport, in my humble opinion. Thru snow, wind, rain, driving rain, cold, hot, we sit, we stay, we watch & cheer. Thru 9 innings or more we sit and are loyal. We played awesome baseball. Lester threw brilliantly. We won because we stuck together, we played as a team, through the season, thru the bumps. We know when to say 'I screwed up, I should have done more', when to say nothing and when to say praise our teammates. We got rid of Manny, the malignancy noone really knew was there until it got all sorts of funky and we removed/released it!
We win as a team; we lose as a team. I am so very proud of this team because we conquered adversity and did it anyway! That's winning all day long.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Work from Home!! Really!!
Let's be honest...the economy's not great. Even for those of us with college degrees and mountains of experience.
"I know! I know! What can I do, though?" You ask.
Well, I'll be honest, and tell you that first I kinda tore myself apart, blaming myself, trying to figure out what I had done wrong and any and every other thing I could think of. Lots of digging to find problems, causes, possible solutions.
So, I've found a few really great, legitimate work from home opportunities and thought I'd share.
E-mail adminassistadapps@gmail.com for more information.
"I know! I know! What can I do, though?" You ask.
Well, I'll be honest, and tell you that first I kinda tore myself apart, blaming myself, trying to figure out what I had done wrong and any and every other thing I could think of. Lots of digging to find problems, causes, possible solutions.
So, I've found a few really great, legitimate work from home opportunities and thought I'd share.
E-mail adminassistadapps@gmail.com for more information.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Got That Sinking Feeling?....It's Not Just You!
So, 2 years and 2 days ago, my grampa passed away. 10/2 will be 2 years since we buried him. 11/1 will be 2 years since I was fired...the 1st time....to save $43K! 3/7 of this year, 2008, I was fired/layed off the 2nd time. 2 different companies, same industry. The 1st time I never saw it coming the 2nd time, I saw it coming, internally and externally.
Now, allow me to explain. The 1st company had 'created a new position [just for me]' if you ever are interviewed for something like this, say NO!! Unless they have a very clear PD, say NO!! I had been yelled at once or twice but nothing fire-worthy, or so I thought. It was, little did I know, the beginning of their downslide. It's taken less than 2 years and they're on their last leg. New construction, and all the people, subs, vendors it employs are taking a hit. My boss called me into the HR office at 4:15 in the afternoon and said 'we're going in a different direction and no longer require your services. We'll be giving you a month's severance pay and a recommendation.'
I guess I was supposed to freak out, thrash around, ball hysterically, make a scene and heaven knows what else. I had never been let go before so I just got teary, said 'ok', packed up my stuff and left. Found out about 2 weeks after it happened that several people knew it was coming and didn't bother to say anything. (When they later also were fired, I am assuming they finally understood what I went through.) I got home, called my mom and told her, updated my resume, called a few other friends and lost it later that night. I just couldn't even figure out what I had done wrong, what I could have done better or any of the rest. That is one of the most daunting things about losing your job. Unless you're reprimanded or you see things are ugly around you, it's a shock to your system. There's also no point in questioning, pondering, going thru the 900 'what if's' or any of the rest of it. Human nature dictates that we'll do this because we want to 'fix it' in our psyche, except you can't. I started looking for jobs 11/1, in the evening, woke up the next morning and my mind was upside down...I remember waking up and thinking 'well, this is interesting...I have no place to be...' I made it my business to apply for jobs daily, hard core, after I'd taken some time to 'absorb it'. After nearly 2 months of unemployment, I landed a job with a real estate firm, the first one, out of more than 300 apps submitted, that called me for an interview. I needed a job. I was sorta interested in it...
Cut to 3/7/08. I'm at my desk. My co-worker had taken the day off as a travel day so I was by myself. It was raining, a Friday, about 4:30 or so. I was putting a listing into the computer. My boss came in and said he needed to talk to me. I had earned more last year than they did, they being my co-bosses, who owned the company. That was a problem and so they were going to have to let me go. There was a lot swirling in my head at the time. I cried at my desk, as I packed it up, because it was not a good time to lose my job [not that there is ever a good time but I digress], I was angry I had worked my butt off and for what? and I was mad I hadn't 'beat the clock' as it were...and found a new job 1st. Backtracking to September 2007, I remember the day that Homebanc in Raleigh closed. I had a buyer call me and say 'is it a bad thing when I cannot get a hold of my bank? I went over to their office and there's a chain and lock on the door.' Um, yes, that's a bad thing. Several days later, I talked to a girl who, several days prior, had been a loan officer at Homebanc. She still had personal affects at the office and they were letting them in, 2 at a time, with a security guard, to get their stuff out [because the security dude wouldn't notice if you're stealing something and because, really, Homebanc was gonna miss that extra pen!]. She was at Countrywide now and told me that they had just received a 'cash injection of $10 million to write loans through 12/31'. It was in that moment, back in SEPTEMBER 2007, that I went home and started looking in earnest for a new job...I looked at our numbers daily and knew we weren't closing homes so we weren't getting paid. This wasn't as big a shock, or maybe it was, but for very different reasons. I saw this lay off coming but it's like the death of a loved one, you can KNOW they're going to pass away and yet, when it happens, it stills obliterates the world you were in just minutes before. So I had looked, and looked, put feelers out everywhere...and kept seeing houses not selling, other agents being out of work, AHM closing out of nowhere and the list went on. Those of us in banking/real estate/mortgages saw this coming...but it's kinda like a hurricane...you can "prep" yourself but then it's a matter of waiting for the inevitable and hoping it's not 'the worst'.
I never in a million years thought I would be able to say to someone who is unemployed 'I know how you feel.' and be able to empathize with that person. I do know how it feels. I never thought, with a college degree, years of experience, the whole gamut, that I would ever be without a job. It is not fun but I've learned a lot. I have also run the gamut of emotions. Happy I don't have to dress up, put on make up, deal with chick drama or office politics, waste gas money, sit in traffic. Pissed off because I dont' have to do those same things. Angry with myself for not seeing it...for not finding a job in time, for not having been a better employee, done more, worked harder.
I am happy about several things though. My mom was in a head on collision 3/31 and I was able [thanks to the generosity of one of my best friends & the lack of a job] to go be with her when she had surgery and help take care of her and the house and keep it together when it fell apart. God blessed me with that. I was forced to move in with my parents again because I ran out of money and couldn't get UEBs again. I moved back to FL, where I still am, and have been blessed with being able to help my mom thru her recovery, humor my step-dad and tend the house.
I am happy that I know that my friends, all of them, in fact, are real friends. I owe some of them apologies for not keeping in better touch but you get to a point where you don't want to share your sadness, issues, situation with them...you feel like nobody needs to hear your story.
I am happy that I found legitimate sources for online employment which rock! It's something, right?!
I am happy that I'm re-training in IT work and HTML because it will provide a foundation for great jobs and a great future.
I am happy that I am able, every day, to find things to be grateful for, to realize how very blessed I am.
Am I perky every day? No. DO I have days when I want to scream? I do. I cry every now and again, I let myself feel the negative stuff because I have to honor it. When I say 'it's nobody's fault' do I believe that? Yes, I do. Owners have to pay themselves 1st. The point of blaming others would be? Why would I waste my time spewing negative emotions? Who does that help? I'm not saying you shouldn't do it...it's just not for me.
I believe in God, that he will never give me more than I can handle, that I am stronger than I know how to be, that I am more than I think I am and that everything will be OK.
If you need a lift, a shoulder or whatnot, leave a comment...working on getting a link on here so you can e-mail me. I've been there, I'm still quasi-there and I'm happy to do what I can to honor the negative, uplift you where I can and offer advice and direction, if you like...I listen well too.
Now, allow me to explain. The 1st company had 'created a new position [just for me]' if you ever are interviewed for something like this, say NO!! Unless they have a very clear PD, say NO!! I had been yelled at once or twice but nothing fire-worthy, or so I thought. It was, little did I know, the beginning of their downslide. It's taken less than 2 years and they're on their last leg. New construction, and all the people, subs, vendors it employs are taking a hit. My boss called me into the HR office at 4:15 in the afternoon and said 'we're going in a different direction and no longer require your services. We'll be giving you a month's severance pay and a recommendation.'
I guess I was supposed to freak out, thrash around, ball hysterically, make a scene and heaven knows what else. I had never been let go before so I just got teary, said 'ok', packed up my stuff and left. Found out about 2 weeks after it happened that several people knew it was coming and didn't bother to say anything. (When they later also were fired, I am assuming they finally understood what I went through.) I got home, called my mom and told her, updated my resume, called a few other friends and lost it later that night. I just couldn't even figure out what I had done wrong, what I could have done better or any of the rest. That is one of the most daunting things about losing your job. Unless you're reprimanded or you see things are ugly around you, it's a shock to your system. There's also no point in questioning, pondering, going thru the 900 'what if's' or any of the rest of it. Human nature dictates that we'll do this because we want to 'fix it' in our psyche, except you can't. I started looking for jobs 11/1, in the evening, woke up the next morning and my mind was upside down...I remember waking up and thinking 'well, this is interesting...I have no place to be...' I made it my business to apply for jobs daily, hard core, after I'd taken some time to 'absorb it'. After nearly 2 months of unemployment, I landed a job with a real estate firm, the first one, out of more than 300 apps submitted, that called me for an interview. I needed a job. I was sorta interested in it...
Cut to 3/7/08. I'm at my desk. My co-worker had taken the day off as a travel day so I was by myself. It was raining, a Friday, about 4:30 or so. I was putting a listing into the computer. My boss came in and said he needed to talk to me. I had earned more last year than they did, they being my co-bosses, who owned the company. That was a problem and so they were going to have to let me go. There was a lot swirling in my head at the time. I cried at my desk, as I packed it up, because it was not a good time to lose my job [not that there is ever a good time but I digress], I was angry I had worked my butt off and for what? and I was mad I hadn't 'beat the clock' as it were...and found a new job 1st. Backtracking to September 2007, I remember the day that Homebanc in Raleigh closed. I had a buyer call me and say 'is it a bad thing when I cannot get a hold of my bank? I went over to their office and there's a chain and lock on the door.' Um, yes, that's a bad thing. Several days later, I talked to a girl who, several days prior, had been a loan officer at Homebanc. She still had personal affects at the office and they were letting them in, 2 at a time, with a security guard, to get their stuff out [because the security dude wouldn't notice if you're stealing something and because, really, Homebanc was gonna miss that extra pen!]. She was at Countrywide now and told me that they had just received a 'cash injection of $10 million to write loans through 12/31'. It was in that moment, back in SEPTEMBER 2007, that I went home and started looking in earnest for a new job...I looked at our numbers daily and knew we weren't closing homes so we weren't getting paid. This wasn't as big a shock, or maybe it was, but for very different reasons. I saw this lay off coming but it's like the death of a loved one, you can KNOW they're going to pass away and yet, when it happens, it stills obliterates the world you were in just minutes before. So I had looked, and looked, put feelers out everywhere...and kept seeing houses not selling, other agents being out of work, AHM closing out of nowhere and the list went on. Those of us in banking/real estate/mortgages saw this coming...but it's kinda like a hurricane...you can "prep" yourself but then it's a matter of waiting for the inevitable and hoping it's not 'the worst'.
I never in a million years thought I would be able to say to someone who is unemployed 'I know how you feel.' and be able to empathize with that person. I do know how it feels. I never thought, with a college degree, years of experience, the whole gamut, that I would ever be without a job. It is not fun but I've learned a lot. I have also run the gamut of emotions. Happy I don't have to dress up, put on make up, deal with chick drama or office politics, waste gas money, sit in traffic. Pissed off because I dont' have to do those same things. Angry with myself for not seeing it...for not finding a job in time, for not having been a better employee, done more, worked harder.
I am happy about several things though. My mom was in a head on collision 3/31 and I was able [thanks to the generosity of one of my best friends & the lack of a job] to go be with her when she had surgery and help take care of her and the house and keep it together when it fell apart. God blessed me with that. I was forced to move in with my parents again because I ran out of money and couldn't get UEBs again. I moved back to FL, where I still am, and have been blessed with being able to help my mom thru her recovery, humor my step-dad and tend the house.
I am happy that I know that my friends, all of them, in fact, are real friends. I owe some of them apologies for not keeping in better touch but you get to a point where you don't want to share your sadness, issues, situation with them...you feel like nobody needs to hear your story.
I am happy that I found legitimate sources for online employment which rock! It's something, right?!
I am happy that I'm re-training in IT work and HTML because it will provide a foundation for great jobs and a great future.
I am happy that I am able, every day, to find things to be grateful for, to realize how very blessed I am.
Am I perky every day? No. DO I have days when I want to scream? I do. I cry every now and again, I let myself feel the negative stuff because I have to honor it. When I say 'it's nobody's fault' do I believe that? Yes, I do. Owners have to pay themselves 1st. The point of blaming others would be? Why would I waste my time spewing negative emotions? Who does that help? I'm not saying you shouldn't do it...it's just not for me.
I believe in God, that he will never give me more than I can handle, that I am stronger than I know how to be, that I am more than I think I am and that everything will be OK.
If you need a lift, a shoulder or whatnot, leave a comment...working on getting a link on here so you can e-mail me. I've been there, I'm still quasi-there and I'm happy to do what I can to honor the negative, uplift you where I can and offer advice and direction, if you like...I listen well too.
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