The Dead Kitty Tale

This is the tale of the dead kitty and my lie about said dead kitty. My best friend moved from where we were living back home to be nearer family and between her place and various family, no one could take her kitty so I got to keep kitty. Kitty was with me for roughly 3 years before passing away, out of the blue, under my bed one day. I promptly called said BFF and relayed the info to her, telling her I had to call the vet, etc...to find out, austensibly, what to do with kitty. Now, mind you, I had the ability when I lived where I lived when my first kitty ever passed away. She is buried behind my parents' home. When kitty passed away, I was broke and lived in a city so my options were as follows: 1) throw her out; 2) take her to the vet to be cremated and pay $65 to get (her) ashes back; 3) get permission to bury her on a friend's acreage north of town. I was also informed that there was a strict city ordinance about pet disposal. I didn't have $25 for gas never mind $65 for kitty. I could not get up to the friend's for at least a week so, sadly and with regret, I threw her out. I cried for about 2 hours solid, prayed a lot, cried some more, showered and cried some more then passed out and slept. I told best friend that the kitty was buried at friend's place because I knew it would make her feel better and it made me feel better. Do I feel good that I lied to her? Of course not! Did I feel horrible? Uh, yes, for several reasons. I was mad at myself for not having the means in any manner to put her to rest peacefully, I was mad and disappointed in myself for not trying harder, for lying about it when really, best friend knew the truth. I still feel awful but I'm glad I'm at least putting it out there. I would have, sadly, done the same thing with any of the 3 I had at the time. I had no other option and it killed me. I did the best thing I knew to do under the circumstances with the resources (or lack thereof) I had in my possession at the time. I accept full responsibility for myself and my actions at the time. I know she knows so I will not be saying anything but I hope she forgives me. I know she forgives me. Now, it's just about working on me forgiving me.