Regrets

SO, I've said before in life that I have no regrets only lessons I've learned. Then I am working thru this book on letting go and I made a list, yes a list!! of regrets. Yes, really! I was trying to organize the process of processing each one and coming to peace with everything and, yeah, my list is like 20 items long..and you know what's not on there? Not making a closing happen. Telling someone they didn't get approved. Screwing up a closing. Not working enough.

Crazy how I actually thought career was the be all end all for so long. So, you're probably thinking 'ok, so what do you regret?' I regret not spending more time around my grampa before he passed away. I regret missing my cousins' weddings. I regret spending so much time wanting someone who didn't want me (more than 1 guy! Yes, I am aware that's sad but at least i see it to let it go!) that I couldn't let go and move on to someone who would cherish me. I regret giving a damn about Robert, Bobby, Juan and Jeff. Seriously! I regret not realizing my issues have a grip on me that needs to get gone. Yes, I realize this now and am working on it. I regret not putting people in their place for the sake of commity, workplace peace and whatever BS reason I did it for! I regret sleeping with someone who hurt me multiple times and who was never meant to be mine. I regret not taking care of myself and worrying about me. I regret worrying about being enough for anyone, including myself. I regret not doing things and going places that were right in my backyard because I was afraid I'd miss something where I was (I didn't miss a damn thing I couldn't have lived without!) There are more but that's most of them.

SO, is there anyone to apologize to? Yes and no. Most of it is apologizing to myself and taking care of me and learning to just let it go. I'll be penning/typing letters not meant to be sent to several people. I will not hurt another person intentionally or not just to complete this process! SO, watch for my items/regrets, one at a time.
I am working to forgive, get to peace and move on.