Another Regret

One of the things I regret is not taking the time to honor my emotions, the negative ones, to grieve the stuff that needed to be grieved, to stand up for myself and get angry when need be, to tell people off or confront them, regardless of whether I felt it was perpetuating the drama cycle or not. It bothers me that there are things not grieved, anger that I 'let go' at the time that didn't go anywhere because I didn't get angry so I could get over it. Maybe that doesn't make sense but I am in a family where we don't really do emotion. Or at least not negative emotion. By about 9/13/01 or so my mother was angry that I wasn't over 9/11, as it wasn't like I knew anyone in NYC or on any of the planes. So I hid it, pushed it away. So much sadness and anger and just that feeling like "I knew this was going to happen...but there was not a thing I could have done..." My mother didn't let so much as a tear go at her best friend's burial service and was very uncomfortable when I hugged her upon hearing that her best friend, at 54, had passed away. My mother is in her 60s, the old old, and the thought of losing her scares the hell out of me.
The number of times I have not cried when someone died or let whatever negative emotion was present just be is beyond count. I want to go back now and work on all of that, to process it so in the future it's just